Thanks For The Advice
I got so many great responses from my post regarding how to handle it when people ask questions about my health, I've decided to write a bit more about it because those readers who don't have M.S. wanted to know how I prefer to handle it.
I welcome the opportunity to educate people about M.S. and am never offended when someone wants to ask questions or talk about it. I think it's great that people want to educate themselves. When a stranger asks me how I hurt my knee (because of the knee brace I wear when exercising), I kind of take a split second to "size them up". By that I mean, what kind of vibe am I getting...are they just asking to be polite? Are they just making small talk? If that's the vibe I get, I just make something up and move on. On the other hand, if they seem generally concerned or friendly, I'll say something like "Well, I have M.S.", and I'll make sure I have a smile on my face so they can see that I'm not offended by their curiosity. Usually they are very surprised and want to say something like "Oh, I'm sorry". I'm quick to tell them it's okay, but I think how they react to that depends on the response they get from me.
One of the qualities I'm most proud of about myself is that I can talk to anyone. I think I get that trait from my dad. I can walk up to a total stranger and start a conversation. That makes it easy to talk to someone about my illness and make them feel comfortable asking questions. Some people have lots of questions about this disease and I think it's great that they aren't afraid to ask. The only time I feel a little self conscious is when someone asks me what's up with my knee and, after I tell them, they make a quick excuse to get away. I know it's not me though, it's them and the fact that they aren't comfortable talking about it.
I want to thank everyone for leaving me their advice. It was a great help to me because it made me feel better about the way I dealt with this issue. Those of you with M.S. are a help because you and I are in the same boat and it's great to bounce ideas off each other, and those of you who don't have this disease, it was so helpful to get your perspective.
I welcome the opportunity to educate people about M.S. and am never offended when someone wants to ask questions or talk about it. I think it's great that people want to educate themselves. When a stranger asks me how I hurt my knee (because of the knee brace I wear when exercising), I kind of take a split second to "size them up". By that I mean, what kind of vibe am I getting...are they just asking to be polite? Are they just making small talk? If that's the vibe I get, I just make something up and move on. On the other hand, if they seem generally concerned or friendly, I'll say something like "Well, I have M.S.", and I'll make sure I have a smile on my face so they can see that I'm not offended by their curiosity. Usually they are very surprised and want to say something like "Oh, I'm sorry". I'm quick to tell them it's okay, but I think how they react to that depends on the response they get from me.
One of the qualities I'm most proud of about myself is that I can talk to anyone. I think I get that trait from my dad. I can walk up to a total stranger and start a conversation. That makes it easy to talk to someone about my illness and make them feel comfortable asking questions. Some people have lots of questions about this disease and I think it's great that they aren't afraid to ask. The only time I feel a little self conscious is when someone asks me what's up with my knee and, after I tell them, they make a quick excuse to get away. I know it's not me though, it's them and the fact that they aren't comfortable talking about it.
I want to thank everyone for leaving me their advice. It was a great help to me because it made me feel better about the way I dealt with this issue. Those of you with M.S. are a help because you and I are in the same boat and it's great to bounce ideas off each other, and those of you who don't have this disease, it was so helpful to get your perspective.
posted by Miss Chris | 7:39 AM
10 Comments:
Well said again, m' dear...
Linda D. in Seattle
Hey Linda D.!
I couldn't agree more with your post on the t.v. ads for drugs. If I see one more add for Viagra or Cialis I'm gonna scream. I don't really need my 8 year old daughter asking me what an erection is. Argh!
The only time I feel a little self conscious is when someone asks me what's up with my knee and, after I tell them, they make a quick excuse to get away.
Well, you know that that durned MS stuff is pretty 'catchy'. It's like AIDs without all the fashionable clothing or pretty men. Urk. If I have to explain that MS is NOT like Jerry's Kids I'll go into a blind fury, fling droplets of spittle while ranting and quickly apologize for accidentally giving them MS, Cancer and a Stroke. .... Ummm, ok. Yeah, I need to calm down. They probably already had the brain damage anyways. I usually wait for them to spot my Handicap plates and then I give them a well rehersed explaination of what MS is/does and then say; 'Yep, that's what I got. God he was handing out MS and I got in line thinking it was MarshmallowS.'.
Then the fight about religion begins. sigh...
mdmhvonpa,
Man, I need a dose of your wit every now and then! I know what you mean about wanting to erupt when someone says something about Jerry's Kids. Does smoke come out your ears like it does mine?
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Blue smoke, no less. Smells like ozone.
That's one I've been practising at the cigar bar one block over from my office.
Yes I know that smoking increaces spasticity, first hand, but what the heck, its only half a cigar a couple of times a week.
I've got MS but I also don't believe in depriving myself of everything.
Its all in how you approach the querant. (Shit! Why can't I talk normally? The person who's asking.)
I can make watching paint dry, or boxing for instance, interesting, though that takes me doing my best Howard Cosell imitation.
Think about it. What was so friggin' interesting 'bout watching two guys beat the snot out of each other? Nothing. But he made a living doing the blow-by-blow. :-)
The trick is not to give the listener any doubt that MS is not infectious, that it is not painful (even when it might be,) and to describe it in terms that they can understand. (And everybody understands noise in New York City.)
I describe it physically as having one's wiring stripped of insulator.
Then I go into describing our wiring as sensors and controllers, hence we get phantom pain and spacticity, mixed/confused signals (cross talk modulation) and distortion.
If they're interested I go into oligodendrocytes, myelin phages and the actual mechanisms of being attacked by my own white cells.
But I do it very clinically (namely bloodlessly) and with a lot of animation and hand gestures. (Keeps 'em mesmerised, like snakes watching the charmer's pipe. :-)
I don't sound depressed about it either. I sound fascinated and that's the attitude most people pick up on.
See, there some advantages to being descended from a line of empathic apes. (I mean, grooming is hours of fun, even though they're all picking lice off of each other. :-)
As long as you dont project yuck! you can tell people anything, even if its fundamentally disgusting.
Actually, Miss Chris, the ads for menstrual pads and tampons are totally wasted on me. :-)
And what's the blue water they're always pouring on them. Only royalty get periods? :-)
But you're so right on. The last thing I'd need to hear is 'those' questions out of the mouths of "young 'uns".
Oh Miss Chis you get the funniest comments! Blue water on menstrual pads, Viagra commericals, Jerry's Kids, and MarshmallowS. This is a hoot!
I do have a cute t-shirt I personally designed but you know what, no one reads it. LOL. It's a cartoon drawing of my face, and under it is "This is the face of Multiple Sclerosis" so I have proved no on reads t-shirts unless you go to high school and you are a teacher trained to spot inflammatory shirts. Heh. I'll have to post the drawing on my site.
I get what you're saying. I think you are handling it just right!
Do you have trouble with the HC Parking Police? Especially on days when you bound outta the car like you have energy (whoohoo, what joy!) but you know on the way back that may not be the case? Gawd, the dagger eyes I get...
I'm still in my flare. Or am I in my normal MS life, I don't know...
Your positive attitude is an inspiration to me. I appreciate it. Keep it up, and keep on kicking ass!
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