Here We Go Again...
Here's the setting: My husband, daughter and I were over at my parent's house last night because we were invited for dinner. Along with my parents were my sister, her 2 kids and a friend of the family that comes to Arizona every spring for the spring training baseball games and to visit with my parents. I only see him once a year. Anyway, we ate dinner outside and afterwards the kids went inside to play. Then it happened...
The family friend said to me that I look really good. He'd noticed that I've put on some weight and said that he thinks I look really good this way and meant it as a compliment, since I used to be really skinny. It was obvious that is was a compliment and I took it as such. All the while he was saying this I could see my mom out of the corner of my eye vigorously shaking her head "no" meaning that I did not look good this way and for him to stop telling me that I did. I then heard her say I was overweight and that she didn't think I looked good. She then said she thinks I used to look good. He tried to tell her in a nice way that he disagreed with her but she wasn't going to agree and stood her ground that I was fat.
For those of you who don't know what I look like, please scroll back to my entry dated January, 16th. It's titled "It's Back To The Real World". I weigh the same now as I did then.
All the while this conversation was going on, I was laughing along and treating her comments like a joke so I wouldn't get mad at her. We've come along way in our relationship for me to get mad about something like that but I can assure you... I was mad on the inside. And I still am. I tried to explain to her that I like myself this way and that people tell me how good I look now but it doesn't do any good. It's so frustrating. It definitely made me uncomfortable all the while this was going on. I couldn't wait to get out of there!
The family friend said to me that I look really good. He'd noticed that I've put on some weight and said that he thinks I look really good this way and meant it as a compliment, since I used to be really skinny. It was obvious that is was a compliment and I took it as such. All the while he was saying this I could see my mom out of the corner of my eye vigorously shaking her head "no" meaning that I did not look good this way and for him to stop telling me that I did. I then heard her say I was overweight and that she didn't think I looked good. She then said she thinks I used to look good. He tried to tell her in a nice way that he disagreed with her but she wasn't going to agree and stood her ground that I was fat.
For those of you who don't know what I look like, please scroll back to my entry dated January, 16th. It's titled "It's Back To The Real World". I weigh the same now as I did then.
All the while this conversation was going on, I was laughing along and treating her comments like a joke so I wouldn't get mad at her. We've come along way in our relationship for me to get mad about something like that but I can assure you... I was mad on the inside. And I still am. I tried to explain to her that I like myself this way and that people tell me how good I look now but it doesn't do any good. It's so frustrating. It definitely made me uncomfortable all the while this was going on. I couldn't wait to get out of there!
posted by Miss Chris | 10:30 AM
17 Comments:
that seems bad enough..
hope you're ok
Hey Linda D!
I hope you get over here to Blogspot soon...then I can leave you comments since I always have trouble with your site.
Mat,
Yep...I'll survive! In one ear and out the other! But it still stings though.
Sounds like your mom needs a hobby! Good luck with Easter:)
Hmm. I'd offer the opinion that you are definitely not in the slightest way fat.
I recommend some treatment for your mother.
Like a day spent with some truly fat people. (I've got whole neighborhoods full of fatties she can look at [and telling them they're fat is an admission of a pathological death wish and a cry for help {quickly followed by urgent screams for same. :-}])
I don't know what her problem is but it her problem.
I'd describe you as elfin and waif thin.
Hmmm...I've got nothing here...no advice you don't already know...no evil comments or retorts...no wise cracks for the mother unit.
I WILL say this though: It is scientific fact, the closer you are to the barb, the deeper the wound it can make. Try not to bleed too much!
And yes, I AM over here on Blogspot now, so start leaving some nasty comments! LOL
Linda D. in Seattle
Hey, I hear what you are saying. For me, my big change was that I dyed my hair! I've been blonde my whole life and wanted to try something different, so now my hair is a medium auburn color. I've gotten used to it now, and it's not Lucy red by any stretch. Many people have told me that they like it. I know when I first dyed it reddish brown (vs. auburn right off the bat), my mother commented, but I could tell she didn't like it. But, I think you and I are at the age that Mom will just have to live with it. We are big girls-- very much adults, and we can do whatever we want, after all! And I thought you were pretty skinny when I saw that pic from January! I wish I could be that "fat"! ;-) (I'm at least two of you, I'm sure!)
Your mother is clearly insane and has no concept of reality!! I know first hand how hard it is to not let your parents' comments (meant with LOVE) *get* to you. But, seriously? She is soooo off on this one. You look fantastic.
Poor you. I could see how that would drive someone nuts. Some moms just can't resist critiquing their daughters, but as long as you like how you look then that is all that matters. :)
Fat? You? Are you KIDDING me??? You're gorgeous!!!
Seems like mum is a tad bit jealous, no?
Here is my take on weight ... if you reach towards the ceiling and your SO can count your ribs ... subtract 1pt from the hotness factor for each rib.
My lovely Mrs is an 11.
Yeesh..comments from mothers do sting, don't they? I always end up feeling defensive, and then angry about feeling that way.
And you certainly don't need to be told, but you look *great*.
I had a discussion with a co-worker about this on Monday. A cute girl walked by that was "pleasantly plump" and made our heads turn. It seems that women want to be skinny for other women, but what makes the guys look is the feminine curves that comes with the higher percent body fat... that women are SUPPOSE to have. To each his own, but it's not your mother you're trying to be attractive for ;o)
Jami: My mom definitely needs a hobby!
Charles: You're right...I think my mom has no concept of what "fat" is.
Linda D.: Yea! Glad you're here!
Windsornot: Why do we as adults still care what our moms think?! Crazy, isn't it?
Donna: Thanks!
Silverstar: If this is the only thing my mom ever complains about, I'll take it.
Myelin: Thanks! Maybe some day women get old enough so that their moms can't affect them anymore.
MDMHVONPA: I can still see a couple ribs...does that mean I'm not a hottie? Haha
Little sricket: Thanks!
Gregg: That's right! My philosophy is that if you want the curves in the right places (boobs and butt ;o) ) you have to take a little padding in other areas too.
I don't blame you. I think you need to let her have it, Mom or not. I agree with the person who said your Mom needs a hobby. Geez. . .
By the way, I tagged you. Play if you like. . .
Ughh....those that claim to love us the most, hurt us the most! Recently my MIL said, "Don't you think the things you are feeling 'could be' all in your head?". I wanted to bolt, or cry, or, or...who knows what I wanted to do, but it wasn't nice fuzzies that came over me! =)
I think you look mahvelous...heck with what anyone else thinks though...all that matters is what YOU think!
~~hugs~~
I think some parents just have to pick on their kids no matter what. If you won the lottery or got the Nobel Prize, your Mom would probably have some kind of odd interpretation of that too. My Mom can be like that when she is in a bitchy mood, which is about 1/3 of the time (God bless her).
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